Log in

No account? Create an account
13 October 2011 @ 12:49 am

Splatter brushes - hope you guys like 'em. There is no imagepack (forgot, again) :(
Credit to cherrypie3601 @ DeviantArt if you use them (or 99cherries @ livejournal)

Download link: http://cherrypie3601.deviantart.com/#/d4co5wp
Current Mood: crazycrazy
14 April 2011 @ 11:59 am
... what a tricky bitch you are.

I have been trying (that's a key word) to finish the last chapter of Lady Malfoy and it's just not happening. I thought getting past the main fight scene would be the last obstacle (and it was pretty hard, let me tell you). I have been imagining the end of this story for so long that I kind of knew how it was supposed to end but now that I actually have to write it, it's harder than I imagine.

I think it's also becuase it will be my last chapter to you guys and the last chapter in my four year long journey that's making it so hard to write. I want it to be sweet, sad, romantic, adventurous and of course, full of twists. Suprisingly, it's extremely difficult to get all those qualities into one chapter and still have it end the way I want to. I want the characters emotions to be real and I want people to be able to feel what they're feeling. I have such high expectations for the chapter which makes it harder for me to write it.

Current Location: Library
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Dead and Gone
26 October 2010 @ 01:14 pm
I never realized how much of a negative character Natalie might have seemed until I read all the comments like "omg Natalie sucks, I hate her" or "i can't believe draco loved her" etc. etc. In my head, she's a very brave woman and there are a lot of similarities between her and Hermione. I tried to make that connection when I mentioned that just like Draco had been the easier option for Natalie, Ron was the easier option for Hermione. Natalie loved Draco to a certain extent, just not as much as she did Cassius and the same goes for Ron and Hermione; it wasn't romantic love, per se, but it was love nonetheless. The only difference was that Hermione and Ron ended their relationship while they were still ahead but Draco and Natalie got married.

The kind of love that Cassius and Natalie shared was 'magnetic', so to speak. No matter where they were and whom they were with, the connection between them was impossible to resist. That's why Natalie gave in initially and that's why Draco had to lose. If there was one person in this entire world that was completely and utterly perfect for us, Natalie's one would have been Cassius. There is a whole backstory to their love and their relationship that I didn't/won't really get to explain in Lady Malfoy. Lady Malfoy is, after all, about Draco and Hermione while Natalie and Cassius only factor in as they apply to those two central characters.

I once watched a movie (whose name escapes me) where married man has an affair with a married woman (they're both married to other people). Their partners were faithful to them but neither the man nor the woman were happy in their marriage. The man was bitter with his own failure as compared to his wife and the woman regrets marrying someone she didn't really love. These two characters meet, connect and have an affair and throughout the entire duration of the movie, I kept thinking to myself 'This is so wrong but, as an audience member, why don't I hate them?' How is it possible for these characters to be committing adultery and yet for me to feel happier when they're with each other than when they're with their respective partners. And the answer to that (as I figured it) was that they model flawed human characters - a very difficult breed to personnages to write. They are flawed, they make mistakes, they lie and yet, at the core of these characters' motivations and feelings, is the need to be loved. The need to be with someone who we feel completes us.

I don't believe that there is only one person in the world for you; we can be happy with many different people because we are not 2 dimensional characters. We have different sides to us, different traits and different desires and dreams that show themselves depending on the person we're with. To show everything about yourself to someone, every fear, weakness, flaw and secret, requires more than just courage. Thousands of marriages function perfectly fine with partners not knowing their spouse's deepest secrets. But what Cassius and Natalie shared was that intense bond to which they had both completely surrendered themselves.

I often get comments and emails like 'wow cassius is so insane' or 'omg why is he so crazy' and my response to that is: wouldn't you be that driven too if you lose the only person in the world with whom you can share the darkest parts of your soul with?

That's why love is such a powerful emotion and it can cause the greatest of damage. Hermione and Draco are still in the relatively early stages of their love but as I'm sure many of you have figured out, their bond transcends that of regular love. Much like Cassius and Natalie's did.

What Natalie did was wrong. Of course. But each character has their own side and their own story and before you rush to judge her, remember that I write different parts of the stories from different characters to try and show you as much depth to help you understand their motivations and their fears. It's a terrifying thing to have to chose between two people you love for different reasons, especially when one of them has to get hurt.
Current Location: library
Current Mood: fullfull
Current Music: Billy Joel
14 July 2010 @ 03:50 pm
Even though I really should be studying, I feel inclined to write something about Lady Malfoy. I was answering my email questions and particularly, the one question I get all the time: "How many more chapters?" I was first asked this question when Lady Malfoy was at 25 chapters and so I answered, "probably not more than 40". That being said, I reflected on the FIFTEEN 7000 word chapters I had to write before I'd have to deal with the story being finished. Yesterday, someone else asked me the same question and like always, I replied "probably not more than 40". A few seconds later, I submitted my thirty sixth chapter of the story. That leaves me only four more chapters and the thing is, as I have planned the story in my head, it really shouldn't exceed forty chapters. And if I write one chapter a month, like I usually do, I should be done this story before Christmas break. It isn't like I didn't expect the story to end and in fact, I promised myself that I would try to finish it before school started in September but it feels weird now that the story is drawing to an end. Whether I'm working out or on the bus or just sitting around, I listen to music and plan out conversations between characters in my head. Now what will I do when I'm breathlessly running on the treadmill or riding city transit?

What's also really weird is that -as most of you know- I never planned for this story to be so complex. Now that a lot of the major twists have been revealed, I guess I can talk about what my original idea was. Lestrange killed Hermione's parents and to protect her, she was sent to live in Malfoy Manor. Simple right? Yes. She had to pretend to be Lady Malfoy and tried to help solve the secret of Adria (who, in my original plan, was the original Lady Malfoy). But as I kept on writing and listening to these conversations between characters (Mavis Gallant used to do the same thing and so I feel like less of a lunatic admitting it), the story got more and more twisted and new characters came into play. Cassius was supposed to appear in the sequel but that all changed too. Anyways, I am getting off track. With my simple plan, I had certain key moments that I wanted to write like the scene where Draco saves Hermione from the fountain and titles her Lady Malfoy. I wrote another such scene last night and for the fear of spoiling anything, I won't mention what it was about. But all in all, I'm writing these scenes that have been in my head for almost three years and when I think about how long that is, I sort of wish I finish the story by September. Three years. That's a really long time. In that time, I went from being sixteen to being nineteen. I went from high school to university and Lady Malfoy was my one constant in those three years.

But now, I think it's time to move on and move past Natalie and Cassius and Draco and Hermione. At least, that's how I feel right now. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and wanted to write a sequel (I doubt it). However, I enjoy reading all the reviews that I get and all the compliments from readers. I honestly smile when people tell me that they check the site regularly for updates or when they email me their blogs where they've written about the story. For someone who has grown up in a big city with a big family and in a big school, it's nice to have people tell you that their friends read the story too and loved it or that they've recommended Lady Malfoy to their little cousins. And part me is a little worried about letting that recognition and appreciation go. If I start writing original fiction and stories that I've been wanting to write for a long time, I wonder if I'll ever be able to finish them when there's no one telling me how much they love it after I post every chapter. But like I said before, three years is a long time and I need to move to on to more real things.

Maybe I will start writing some of the stories I have planned in my head. But I think I'll take a break from long novels for a while and start with short stories.

I just hope I write my characters' names instead of accidentally writing Draco and Hermione.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: mellowmellow
26 January 2010 @ 10:08 pm
My last post ended on a pretty light note with me promising to finish my story, regardless of my own reluctance. I think it would be fair to call that post 'optimistic' and by that definition, this post is definitley pessimistic.

I am having so much trouble finding time to finish my story that I am not writing it. I'm so worried that in my rush to get a chapter up I'll end up compromising the quality of the story itself. I don't want to write a crappy end to a story that's been in the works for over 2 years. So, I apologize to all of you, in advance. This chapter is going to be late.

I understand that it's extremely hard to follow a story with such a twisted plot when I update so seldomly but I really can't find a way around it. I sleep about 4-5 hours a night on a regular basis and spend most of my waking moments trying to study and often, end up on youtube instead. I didn't think that balancing university life with writing would be so difficult but it is getting a little stressful (especially with exams and essays this and next week).


do any of you writers feel the same way? Please tell me if you do - I would love to know that I'm not just a nutcase XD
Tags: ,
Current Location: library
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: She will be loved - Maroon 5
14 January 2010 @ 05:03 pm
--------------------------Spoilers! Don't read if you haven't read upto Chapter 32 of Lady Malfoy------------
So I've been writing Lady Malfoy for over two years now and I never really realized how... often I wrote until recently. I was sitting in front of my computer yesterday and trying to write Chapter 33 of the story and the ideas were there, the characters were there, the story was clear and I just couldn't get the words on the page. It was a very weird experience.

With some careful reflection and more failed attempts to write, I think I can conclude that I don't want to write.

Before anyone sends any hate mail, let me finish my thought.

I don't want to write = I don't want my story to end.

The things I'm writing about now are things that popped into my head months and months ago, when I was planning this story. Generally speaking, now that I'm writing these big twists and important scenes, I can see myself struggling to let go of my story.

I imagine a lot of my story as a movie and so, as a bunch of observant people have commented, a lot of my writing is very visual because I want everyone who reads my story to see what I'm seeing. When it's a scene with Eli and Hermione talking then it doesn't really matter whether you imagine Hermione sitting on a chair with sun on her face or Eli washing the dishes etc. However, when it's a scene like when Hermione is leaving Draco at Grimmauld Place, then the little details are so much more important to me. It's important to me that you understand that Hermione's holding on to herself because the collapse of her image of happiness is so great that she's feeling it physically. It's important to convey that image to you.

That's the reason Chapter 32 was so late. I couldn't capture that perfect image of Hermione's realizations as I see it and put it into words. I'm sure you all know as well as I do that I love my twists and surprises and so I need to make sure that there are hints in the story but none so obvious that any of you figure out what's actually going to happen. And sometimes, it's very hard to be able to capture that feeling and those ideas and apply them to chapters.

That + my general reluctance to write those extremely important scenes is turning into a perfect excuse for procrastination. I want to finish my story but at the same time, I don't want to. I don't want to say goodbye to the characters that I've spent so long developing. I'm sure most of you will agree that this is probably one of very few dramiones out there where 32 chapters in and Draco and Hermione still haven't kissed. To be honest, I'm very proud of that and I feel like if I start another story, it wouldn't be as successful as Lady Malfoy or I wouldn't be as good at writing it.

So there I was last night, not writing. I took a look at my entire story and there are so many things I want to change but I don't understand, for the life of me, how I ended up writing something so complex when all I really wanted to write about in the beginning was Hermione being Lady Malfoy.

But I'm very proud of my story and I know that there is a whole lot of trash and crap I could actually put into it to drag it out another ten or twenty chapters. But, of course, I won't do that. Haha

I will finish my story and I will maybe even go back and fix all those awfully written moments in earlier chapters that could use some editing.

It's a pity how completely clogged my head is with different ideas about characters, plot and themes that I needed to start blogging about them. I wouldn't expect a blog too often but sometimes, between chapters, I need to write about writing itself then I'll post here.

Current Location: library
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
24 November 2009 @ 10:39 am

I'm in University. But that's doesn't mean I'm not writing! It's just that with actual work and exams, writing gets pushed a little back.

2. You're updates are getting slower. Are you going to abandon this story?

(You'd be surprised how many times I get this question)
No, I am not abandonning the story. The updates may be slower but they are still (relatively) regular. It's not like I've got writer's block - I have the plot, I just need time to write it.

3. How long is this story going to be?

Honestly, I'm not really that sure. The story is starting to come to an end so I don't see it going past maybe 40 chapters (this isn't a guarantee - but for now, at least, that's what I think)

4. Will there be a sequel?

Once again, don't hold me to this - I don't think there will be one but who knows? I might change my mind.

5. When will your next update be?

Generally, I try to update a month after my last chapter was posted (obviously, I fell a little behind this month). So, if you check regularly, try around a month after the last chapter was posted and it'll likely be around then. Alternativley, email me at ladymalfoy99@gmail.com and I'll add you to the mailing list so you get an email when I've updated.

Current Location: in my room
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: Come what may
10 October 2008 @ 05:55 pm
So I decided to get more creative and make brushes! Photoshop brushes made in CS2 (no image pack, sorry! I forgot!)

Current Mood: guiltyguilty
Current Music: none :(
25 September 2008 @ 09:30 pm
More textures! woooooo!

and so we fallCollapse )

Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: dare you to move
17 August 2008 @ 10:17 am

woo more textures!

These ones are 700x500 grainy textures :)

Current Mood: lethargiclethargic