--------------------------Spoilers! Don't read if you haven't read upto Chapter 32 of Lady Malfoy------------
So I've been writing Lady Malfoy for over two years now and I never really realized how... often I wrote until recently. I was sitting in front of my computer yesterday and trying to write Chapter 33 of the story and the ideas were there, the characters were there, the story was clear and I just couldn't get the words on the page. It was a very weird experience.
With some careful reflection and more failed attempts to write, I think I can conclude that I don't want to write.
Before anyone sends any hate mail, let me finish my thought.
I don't want to write = I don't want my story to end.
The things I'm writing about now are things that popped into my head months and months ago, when I was planning this story. Generally speaking, now that I'm writing these big twists and important scenes, I can see myself struggling to let go of my story.
I imagine a lot of my story as a movie and so, as a bunch of observant people have commented, a lot of my writing is very visual because I want everyone who reads my story to see what I'm seeing. When it's a scene with Eli and Hermione talking then it doesn't really matter whether you imagine Hermione sitting on a chair with sun on her face or Eli washing the dishes etc. However, when it's a scene like when Hermione is leaving Draco at Grimmauld Place, then the little details are so much more important to me. It's important to me that you understand that Hermione's holding on to herself because the collapse of her image of happiness is so great that she's feeling it physically. It's important to convey that image to you.
That's the reason Chapter 32 was so late. I couldn't capture that perfect image of Hermione's realizations as I see it and put it into words. I'm sure you all know as well as I do that I love my twists and surprises and so I need to make sure that there are hints in the story but none so obvious that any of you figure out what's actually going to happen. And sometimes, it's very hard to be able to capture that feeling and those ideas and apply them to chapters.
That + my general reluctance to write those extremely important scenes is turning into a perfect excuse for procrastination. I want to finish my story but at the same time, I don't want to. I don't want to say goodbye to the characters that I've spent so long developing. I'm sure most of you will agree that this is probably one of very few dramiones out there where 32 chapters in and Draco and Hermione still haven't kissed. To be honest, I'm very proud of that and I feel like if I start another story, it wouldn't be as successful as Lady Malfoy or I wouldn't be as good at writing it.
So there I was last night, not writing. I took a look at my entire story and there are so many things I want to change but I don't understand, for the life of me, how I ended up writing something so complex when all I really wanted to write about in the beginning was Hermione being Lady Malfoy.
But I'm very proud of my story and I know that there is a whole lot of trash and crap I could actually put into it to drag it out another ten or twenty chapters. But, of course, I won't do that. Haha
I will finish my story and I will maybe even go back and fix all those awfully written moments in earlier chapters that could use some editing.
It's a pity how completely clogged my head is with different ideas about characters, plot and themes that I needed to start blogging about them. I wouldn't expect a blog too often but sometimes, between chapters, I need to write about writing itself then I'll post here.http://harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=227378